So I don't know, I think I may go on blog hiatus for a while...I might change my mind but lately I haven't felt the need to vent so much, I don't have as much to vent about I guess, but I'll get one last good session in before I let go for a while. So just got back from Lafayette tonight. I spent a few hours with D. Who is completely amazing and scaring the shit out of me. I cannot get attached to him, but I totally already am. I was hoping I could just play around and have fun but he is too sweet and wonderful and it's not safe anymore. By that I mean I'm being vulnerable with him and it's freaking me the fuck out. But the thing is, I can tell him, and I actually want to tell him, it's freaking me out and I want to run the other direction and just ignore him, but he's not letting me and is being patient. Ugh, it's making me crazy. And I can't point the finger at him for doing anything wrong and then run away because he is perfect, absolutely sweet, honest, loving, and caring. I'm the one that's the emotionally unavailable freak in the situation. My oh my how the tables are turned. I need therapy or something for the way I am with men. So anyways, I'm going to get all attached and fall in love and he will move away to Virginia for grad school. Awesome. NOT! Okay well let's let go of that one for the evening.
And of course, B calls me last night on my way home from being out with M, other D, and K. Which reminds me I need to write about D and M do I don't ever forget how fabulous the last few weeks with them has been. Beautiful, amazing women who have been showing me a beautiful life. M in particular, who is not in the program, but is a beautiful Muslim girl who ran away from her family 2 weeks ago because her dad and brothers beat the shit out of her for being too fabulous and now she's introducing me to all the Arabs around Indy (perfect timing too with the world cup and all to be around foreigners, wealthy foreigners at that :)). And D is trying to hook me up with an ex-Pacers player she knows from her days at PT's
So anywho, yeah, B calls and is like can you make it up to Crystal Lake tomorrow to go to Minnesota with me. WTF! He is one that drives me bananas. He's much too like me. Flakey and spontaneous. I was so happy he called and asked, but c'mon, you gotta give me more than 12 hours notice for a getaway, especially when you live 3 hours away. Well, he's on the back burner at this point once again because his lack of effort and enthusiasm. I like to be chased. Yes I enjoy the chase B, but you have to call me, pursue me, and prove you will work for/at it. I think he's used to women pursuing him so much, and he is slightly immature, that he expects me to be at his beck and call. We're not that deep into the relationship, thanks. But yeah, we are going to Denver when I get back from Mexico so that will be a blast, but I don't have expectations with him at all anymore. He comes and goes and maybe when the time is right things with him will get more serious. Like next month. Haha.
But yeah, besides that there is the usual baby mama drama with the yp down here. R is now dating J, which is hilarious for several reasons and major drama. I think it is on the dl as far as I know because M would have beat the shit out of R at this point if he knew he was banging the baby mama. I mean they might be able to be adults about it and be cool, but knowing M and how I thought he felt about J it would not be good news for R. But whatever, secret sex can be hot, even though it blows up when its no longer secret. And I am so over this fake ass friendship with J, I think it's about time to let that one go for now to. We've been friends forever, but that doesn't give her the right to use our friendship. She talks shit about me behind my back and that's cool, I'm just not gonna give her anymore ammo than she already gets from everyone else. She puts in no effort to actually be in the friendship. Like she will show up and not say a fucking word about what is going on with her and treat me like a sick animal. So I won't play the part for that anymore! I've been where she's at, and no matter how well she hides it, I know what she is going through. Where the best part of your day is going home at the end of the night to that one special person and talking shit about the other people who are living their lives while you two are holed up in each other. It is a lonely place to be when the only fulfilling thing in your life is a man. I've got my eye on a few, but my girlfriends and my family are a big part of life too.
